From www.janetlansbury.com
Posted by janet on Feb 23rd, 2012
I’ve been told that I “understand” toddlers (and nothing could be a greater compliment). This might be because my own emotional development was partially arrested as a toddler for reasons I haven’t yet unraveled, but it’s probably also because after all the time I’ve spent observing toddlers, I’ve begun to identify with them.
Sometimes, for example, when a parent in class asks her toddler not to throw toys, I’ll be unconvinced by her delivery and feel like joining the toddler in throwing more toys. Other times, a child will say he wants to leave the class as soon as he’s arrived. He’ll persist with the issue until his parent says decisively, “I hear you wanting to leave, but we won’t be going until class ends.” I’ll be feeling the toddler’s edginess while the parent is thinking, “Uh, oh, now what?” or is afraid to take a stand.
If toddlers could share their thoughts on discipline, here’s what I think they’d say…
1. Make me your ally. Don’t think in terms of “getting me to do” something. Don’t trick, bribe, shame or punish me. “You against me” is scary when I desperately need you on my side. So, please tell me politely or show me what you want. And stop me kindly (but definitively) from doing things you don’t want, way before you get mad. Your calm demeanor and the positive options you give me (“I see you’re playing, so would you like to come in to change your diaper now or after you play for 5 more minutes?”), will help me to accept your instructions more gracefully.
2. Don’t be afraid of my reactions to the limits you give me. It’s frightening for me when you are timid or evasive. How can I ever feel secure if the people I desperately need to depend on waver or tiptoe around my feelings? So, please put periods at the end of your sentences. Your directions are more welcome than you’ll ever know. They don’t hurt my fragile spirit. They free me, help me enormously, and are essential to my happiness.
3. Tell me the truth in simple terms, so that I can feel very clear about what you want. I may need several reminders while I’m learning, so please be patient and try to stay even-toned, even if you’ve already told me. (Really, I don’t want to be annoying.)
4. Don’t get upset or angry if you can possibly help it. Those reactions don’t make me feel safe. I need to know that my behavior doesn’t “get” to you, that you can handle my issues with care and confidence. If not you, then who?
5. If I keep repeating the behavior, it’s because it doesn’t feel resolved for me. Either you aren’t being convincing enough, or you’re being too intense and emotional. When you give me “the look”, or there’s anger in your voice when you say “don’t hit!,” it unnerves me and I’m compelled to keep behaving that way until you can give me a calmer response. I need to know that those kinds of behaviors aren’t allowed, but I also need to be assured constantly that they are no big deal at all and can be easily handled by you. You’ll show me this by being patient, calm, consistent and giving me brief, respectful, direct responses so that we can both let go and move on, knowing that our connection is still solid.
6. Consider my point of view and acknowledge it as much as possible…even if it seems ridiculous, wrong or crazy. There are no wrong desires or feelings, just wrong ways of acting on them, right? I need to know that it’s okay to have these feelings and that you’ll understand and keep on loving me. Let me feel.
7. Remember that I don’t want to be in charge, even though the toddler creed is to never admit that. I am convincing. I can make you believe that your simple request to sit down while I eat is pure torture. Don’t mock me or call me out, but don’t believe it. Keep insisting — with love. My strong will is going to make you proud someday. When you give in, I feel less strong, far more wobbly.
8. Give me lots of YES time when I have your full attention and appreciation for all the good stuff I do. We all need balance.
9. Let me be a problem solver. If our wishes are at odds, consider me capable of helping to find a solution, especially as I get older. (This post and video provide a brilliant example: Belief Behind The Behavior: Volcanoes And Cops )
10. Thank you for doing all of these really, really hard things in order to help me be the kind of kid who is enjoyed by his friends, is welcome in their parents’ homes, appreciated by teachers, and is (most of all) one of your favorite people to be with in the whole wide world…forever.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Use Positve Words!
Children learn to tune out the word "no" very quickly. Instead of always using negative words when correcting behavior try using motivation statements. Examples:
Don't Run.....Walk, Use walking Feet, Stay with me, Hold my hand
Don't Touch.....Keep your hands down please, look with your eyes
No yelling.....Use a calm voice, use an inside voice
Don't stand on the couch.....sit on the couch
Don't Hit.....Hands down, use your words (give child examples of words to use)
Don't throw your truck.....Roll your truck on the floor
Stop splashing water.....keep water in the tub
No biting.....we only bite food
Keep the following in mind:
Tell the child what to do instead of what not to do
Clearly and simply state what you expect the child to do
Have age appropriate expectations
Use age appropriate language
Don't Run.....Walk, Use walking Feet, Stay with me, Hold my hand
Don't Touch.....Keep your hands down please, look with your eyes
No yelling.....Use a calm voice, use an inside voice
Don't stand on the couch.....sit on the couch
Don't Hit.....Hands down, use your words (give child examples of words to use)
Don't throw your truck.....Roll your truck on the floor
Stop splashing water.....keep water in the tub
No biting.....we only bite food
Keep the following in mind:
Tell the child what to do instead of what not to do
Clearly and simply state what you expect the child to do
Have age appropriate expectations
Use age appropriate language
Monday, September 12, 2011
Color in a Bag Toddler Fun
For the youngest kids, art is really about the tactility of the materials, what they feel like," says Abbey Hendrickson, a former educator at the Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art in Amherst, Massachusetts. We can't think of a more tactile experience than squeezing and pressing designs into these sealed bags of colored cornstarch.
Materials:
1 cup cornstarch
1/2 cup sugar
4 cups cold water
Food coloring 2 gallon-size ziplock bags
Duct tape
Instructions
Over medium heat, combine the cornstarch, sugar, and water in a saucepan, stirring continuously.
Once the mixture begins to thicken, remove the pan from the heat and stir for another minute or so until it thickens to a pudding like consistency. Let it cool for 30 minutes.
Spoon the mixture into two bowls, stir a few drops of food coloring into each (we used red and yellow), then divide the colors between the ziplock bags. Seal the bags with duct tape and let your child mix and mash the colors (they'll keep for up to a week).
(Source: Disney Family Fun)
Friday, September 2, 2011
Fish in the Sea Counting Game
Fun way to teach your child counting!
- Cut the lid off of your egg carton.
- Paint the egg carton blue. Set it aside to dry.
- Once the paint is dry, decorate the outside of the egg carton with foam sea life stickers. *If you don’t have stickers, you can cut sea animals out of construction paper and glue them to the carton.
- Write the numbers 1-12 on the inside bottom of each egg cup.
Source: Lakeshorelearning.com
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Nestlings Diaper Bank
Nestlings is a diaper bank in West Michigan looking for your help. They currently are gathering diapers to distrubute to organzations and agencies who send them on to families in need. For more information visit www.nestlings.net
Did you know?
There are no Federal or State programs available to help low income families get diapers and wipe and these are one of the top most requested items on the needs list for these families.
Babies left in dirty diapers cause health issues, discomfort and crying, increasing the odds for stressed families, mental, emotional and abusive situations
Families compromise on essentials like bills, food and rent, being forced to choose between necessities and diapers.
Parents feel a sense of pride and joy, a bond of love and like good parents when providing clean diapers to their children.
What can you do to help?
Donate using your credit card on the website using a PayPal account.
Donate packs of disposable diapers. Open packages also accepted.
Donate your opened diapers that are left over after potty training or size changes.
Drop off disposable diapers at a drop off locations in the area.
Donate active valid gift cards from retailers who sell diapers
Buy one of our $1.00 paper diapers from local businesses selling them. Or be a business selling $1.00 diapers.
Sponsor or host a diaper drive for yourself, your company, your team, your school, your departments, etc.
Have a party, shower, an event or get together and ask guest to bring disposable diapers along to donate.
Volunteer to help the Nestlings organization directly in their efforts to provide diapers to families in need.
Spread the word about Nestlings and its work, invite friends, family and coworkers to get involved.
Host us at your next event, meeting or get together to raise awareness to the need.
Donate coupons, products, services and tangible items that will help further the cause and our Fashion Show and Silent Auction in the Spring.
Attend fundraisers and events that help to raise money and bring awareness to the situation.
Take advantage of sales, coupons, rebates and bulk buying at sites like, Groupon and Diapers.com. Drop off at a location or have shipped directly to Nestlings (contact for address).
Write a check to: "Nestlings" and mail to: PO Box 8142, Holland, MI 49422
Did you know?
There are no Federal or State programs available to help low income families get diapers and wipe and these are one of the top most requested items on the needs list for these families.
Babies left in dirty diapers cause health issues, discomfort and crying, increasing the odds for stressed families, mental, emotional and abusive situations
Families compromise on essentials like bills, food and rent, being forced to choose between necessities and diapers.
Parents feel a sense of pride and joy, a bond of love and like good parents when providing clean diapers to their children.
What can you do to help?
Donate using your credit card on the website using a PayPal account.
Donate packs of disposable diapers. Open packages also accepted.
Donate your opened diapers that are left over after potty training or size changes.
Drop off disposable diapers at a drop off locations in the area.
Donate active valid gift cards from retailers who sell diapers
Buy one of our $1.00 paper diapers from local businesses selling them. Or be a business selling $1.00 diapers.
Sponsor or host a diaper drive for yourself, your company, your team, your school, your departments, etc.
Have a party, shower, an event or get together and ask guest to bring disposable diapers along to donate.
Volunteer to help the Nestlings organization directly in their efforts to provide diapers to families in need.
Spread the word about Nestlings and its work, invite friends, family and coworkers to get involved.
Host us at your next event, meeting or get together to raise awareness to the need.
Donate coupons, products, services and tangible items that will help further the cause and our Fashion Show and Silent Auction in the Spring.
Attend fundraisers and events that help to raise money and bring awareness to the situation.
Take advantage of sales, coupons, rebates and bulk buying at sites like, Groupon and Diapers.com. Drop off at a location or have shipped directly to Nestlings (contact for address).
Write a check to: "Nestlings" and mail to: PO Box 8142, Holland, MI 49422
Thursday, June 30, 2011
How to Handle the Terrible 2's
Why 2 Year-Olds Defy Their Parents
What a day: Your 2-year-old starts the morning by screaming, "No, me do it!" when you pour the milk on her cereal. Then she flat-out refuses to put away any of the toys she's taken out. Later, when you've had about all you can take, your child has a full-fledged tantrum because she happens to be playing with her friends when you arrive to pick her up at daycare. Is this kid trying to drive you nuts?
The truth is, dealing with defiant 2-3 year-olds is a notoriously difficult part of childrearing. (They don't call it the "terrible twos" for nothing.) When your child shouts "No!" or hurls herself on the ground, kicking and screaming, it's no fun for you, but it is a normal reaction for a child this age. Think about it: Your child is caught up in the excitement — and frustration — that comes with her budding autonomy. Maybe her baby brother gets more attention than she does, or maybe she doesn't like it when she's supposed to drop everything at your whim. Her challenging behavior may not always be appropriate, but it's to be expected at this age.
You may end up with a few gray hairs when it's all over, but you'll survive largely intact by trying to understand where your child is coming from — and by handling her stormy reactions with care.
What You Can Co About Defiance
Be understanding. When your child screams and cries because she doesn't want to leave the playground, give her a hug and tell her you know it's hard to go home when she's having so much fun. The idea is to show her that instead of being part of the problem, you're actually on her side. Try not to get angry (even if you feel embarrassed in front of the other parents). Be kind but firm about making her leave when she must.
Set limits. Young children need — and even want — limits, so set them and make sure your 2-year-old knows what they are. Spell it out for her: "We don't hit. If you're angry, use your words to tell Adam that you want the toy back" or "Remember, you always have to hold my hand in the parking lot."
If your youngster has problems abiding by the rules (as every 2-year-old will), work on solutions. If she hits her baby brother because she's feeling left out, for instance, let her help you feed or bathe him, then find a way for her to have her own special time with you. If she gets out of bed because she's afraid of the dark, give her a flashlight to keep on her nightstand.
Reinforce good behavior. Rather than paying attention to your child only when she's misbehaving, try to catch her acting appropriately: "Thanks for playing with Charlie while I change his diaper. That's very helpful!" And though you may be sorely tempted to give your child a verbal lashing when she engages in undesirable antics, hold your tongue. "When a child behaves badly, she already feels terrible," says Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline series of books. "Where did we ever get the idea that in order to make children do better, we first have to make them feel worse?" In fact, doing so may only produce more negative behavior.
Remember, too, that disciplining your child doesn't mean controlling her — it means teaching her to control herself. Punishment might get her to behave, but only because she's afraid not to. It's best for your 2-year-old to do the right thing because she wants to — because it makes the day more fun for her or makes her feel good.
Use time-outs — positively. When your child is at the end of her rope, ready to bust a gasket because she isn't getting her way, help her cool off. Rather than a punitive time-out ("Go to your room!"), take her to a comfy sofa in the den or to a favorite corner of her bedroom. Maybe your child would even like to design a "calm-down place" for herself — with a big pillow, a soft blanket, and a few favorite books. If she refuses to go, offer to go along with her and read a story. If she still refuses, go yourself — just to chill out. You'll not only set a good example, you might get a much-needed break. Once you both feel better, that's the time to talk about appropriate behavior.
Empower your 2-year-old. Providing opportunities for your child to make her own choices allows her to try out some of her newfound autonomy in a controlled environment. Instead of demanding that she put on the jeans you've selected, for instance, let her choose one of the two pairs you've laid out. Ask if she'd like peas or green beans with dinner, and which of two stories at bedtime. Another way to help your youngster feel more in control is to tell her what she can do instead of what she can't. Rather than saying, "No! Don't throw that ball in the house!" say, "Let's go outside and throw the ball together." If she wants an ice-cream cone before dinner, tell her she can choose between a slice of cheese and a banana.
Choose your battles. If your fashion-savvy 2-year-old wants to wear her striped turtleneck with her pink, polka-dot leggings, what do you care? If she wants waffles for lunch and peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, what's the harm? Sometimes it's easier to look the other way — when she splashes in a mud puddle on the way home, for example, or stuffs her puppet under her bed instead of putting it on the proper shelf.
Respect her age and stage. Try to avoid situations that are sure to send your 2-year-old into a meltdown. Why risk taking her to a fancy restaurant when you could just meet your sister for a picnic in the park? How realistic is it to expect your youngster to behave in a clothing store or sit quietly during an hour-long community meeting? If you find yourself in a tricky situation, use distraction to avoid a head-on collision with your tot. When your child spots a lovely flower arrangement in the lobby, for instance, quickly show her how the numbers by the elevator shift as the elevator changes floors.Finally, respect the unique world your 2-year-old lives in, especially the way she perceives time (or doesn't). So rather than expecting her to jump up from a game at daycare to rush home with you, give her a few minutes' notice to help her switch gears ("Amy, we'll leaving in five minutes, so please finish up").
There's no guarantee that your child will break away from her fun without complaint. (In fact, it's a good bet she'll raise the hairs on the back of your neck with her bellowing.) But as long as you're patient and consistent, your youngster will eventually learn that defiance isn't the way to get what she wants.
What a day: Your 2-year-old starts the morning by screaming, "No, me do it!" when you pour the milk on her cereal. Then she flat-out refuses to put away any of the toys she's taken out. Later, when you've had about all you can take, your child has a full-fledged tantrum because she happens to be playing with her friends when you arrive to pick her up at daycare. Is this kid trying to drive you nuts?
The truth is, dealing with defiant 2-3 year-olds is a notoriously difficult part of childrearing. (They don't call it the "terrible twos" for nothing.) When your child shouts "No!" or hurls herself on the ground, kicking and screaming, it's no fun for you, but it is a normal reaction for a child this age. Think about it: Your child is caught up in the excitement — and frustration — that comes with her budding autonomy. Maybe her baby brother gets more attention than she does, or maybe she doesn't like it when she's supposed to drop everything at your whim. Her challenging behavior may not always be appropriate, but it's to be expected at this age.
You may end up with a few gray hairs when it's all over, but you'll survive largely intact by trying to understand where your child is coming from — and by handling her stormy reactions with care.
What You Can Co About Defiance
Be understanding. When your child screams and cries because she doesn't want to leave the playground, give her a hug and tell her you know it's hard to go home when she's having so much fun. The idea is to show her that instead of being part of the problem, you're actually on her side. Try not to get angry (even if you feel embarrassed in front of the other parents). Be kind but firm about making her leave when she must.
Set limits. Young children need — and even want — limits, so set them and make sure your 2-year-old knows what they are. Spell it out for her: "We don't hit. If you're angry, use your words to tell Adam that you want the toy back" or "Remember, you always have to hold my hand in the parking lot."
If your youngster has problems abiding by the rules (as every 2-year-old will), work on solutions. If she hits her baby brother because she's feeling left out, for instance, let her help you feed or bathe him, then find a way for her to have her own special time with you. If she gets out of bed because she's afraid of the dark, give her a flashlight to keep on her nightstand.
Reinforce good behavior. Rather than paying attention to your child only when she's misbehaving, try to catch her acting appropriately: "Thanks for playing with Charlie while I change his diaper. That's very helpful!" And though you may be sorely tempted to give your child a verbal lashing when she engages in undesirable antics, hold your tongue. "When a child behaves badly, she already feels terrible," says Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline series of books. "Where did we ever get the idea that in order to make children do better, we first have to make them feel worse?" In fact, doing so may only produce more negative behavior.
Remember, too, that disciplining your child doesn't mean controlling her — it means teaching her to control herself. Punishment might get her to behave, but only because she's afraid not to. It's best for your 2-year-old to do the right thing because she wants to — because it makes the day more fun for her or makes her feel good.
Use time-outs — positively. When your child is at the end of her rope, ready to bust a gasket because she isn't getting her way, help her cool off. Rather than a punitive time-out ("Go to your room!"), take her to a comfy sofa in the den or to a favorite corner of her bedroom. Maybe your child would even like to design a "calm-down place" for herself — with a big pillow, a soft blanket, and a few favorite books. If she refuses to go, offer to go along with her and read a story. If she still refuses, go yourself — just to chill out. You'll not only set a good example, you might get a much-needed break. Once you both feel better, that's the time to talk about appropriate behavior.
Empower your 2-year-old. Providing opportunities for your child to make her own choices allows her to try out some of her newfound autonomy in a controlled environment. Instead of demanding that she put on the jeans you've selected, for instance, let her choose one of the two pairs you've laid out. Ask if she'd like peas or green beans with dinner, and which of two stories at bedtime. Another way to help your youngster feel more in control is to tell her what she can do instead of what she can't. Rather than saying, "No! Don't throw that ball in the house!" say, "Let's go outside and throw the ball together." If she wants an ice-cream cone before dinner, tell her she can choose between a slice of cheese and a banana.
Choose your battles. If your fashion-savvy 2-year-old wants to wear her striped turtleneck with her pink, polka-dot leggings, what do you care? If she wants waffles for lunch and peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, what's the harm? Sometimes it's easier to look the other way — when she splashes in a mud puddle on the way home, for example, or stuffs her puppet under her bed instead of putting it on the proper shelf.
Respect her age and stage. Try to avoid situations that are sure to send your 2-year-old into a meltdown. Why risk taking her to a fancy restaurant when you could just meet your sister for a picnic in the park? How realistic is it to expect your youngster to behave in a clothing store or sit quietly during an hour-long community meeting? If you find yourself in a tricky situation, use distraction to avoid a head-on collision with your tot. When your child spots a lovely flower arrangement in the lobby, for instance, quickly show her how the numbers by the elevator shift as the elevator changes floors.Finally, respect the unique world your 2-year-old lives in, especially the way she perceives time (or doesn't). So rather than expecting her to jump up from a game at daycare to rush home with you, give her a few minutes' notice to help her switch gears ("Amy, we'll leaving in five minutes, so please finish up").
There's no guarantee that your child will break away from her fun without complaint. (In fact, it's a good bet she'll raise the hairs on the back of your neck with her bellowing.) But as long as you're patient and consistent, your youngster will eventually learn that defiance isn't the way to get what she wants.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Summer Fun Activities!
Warm weather is here and its time to go outside and enjoy the world around us! Some fun summer activities:
- Dig for “treasure” (small toys or play jewelry) in the sandbox: bury toy dinosaurs/shells/rocks/box of play jewelry or coins and pretend to be paleontologists or archaeologists. Provide small brushes to dust off the items.
- Study the clouds. Pull out a blanket and lay down in the grass. Point out the clouds to your child and guess what they look like. Ask your child what he thinks they look like. This is a great way to stretch your child's imagination and get in some cuddles.
- Have a pretend car wash where you get out your child’s ride on toys and let them clean
all their “cars.” - Use sidewalk chalk to work on numbers and letters
- Have a sensory play station outside with salt, flour or beans and let them pour, sift and feel all the different textures
- Go bowling in the driveway with empty 2 liter bottles and a beach ball.
- Go to your local farmers market and talk about all the colors, smells, and sounds.
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